A Glimpse

    A few weeks ago I did something that I was uncomfortable with. I gave my notebook full of poems to my girlfriend to read. Shocking, yeah? A writer who posts his thoughts and feelings online for anyone and everyone to read. And yet, he's uncomfortable sharing his poems with the woman he loves above life itself. Odd no?

                                    Maybe it'll make sense if I explain myself and how I view writing and what it means to a person.

              Writing isn't just taking your thoughts and putting them out there for the world to see and admire or mock to their hearts content. It is also taking bits and chunks of your soul and exposing it to the cold light of day. You can truly see who you are and how you feel about things by writing them out.

                          Plus, writing under the cloak of anonymity of called the internet and watching as the person reacts to what you are sharing are two very different things. Another thing to take into consideration is the fact of my writing (my books, short stories and this blog) and my poems are different pieces of who I am.

     The poem, being more personal, actually means something to me and about me. It gives a deeper insight to the man I am and who I once was. When considering an eternal companion, the self-deprecation, angst, frustration, and confusion evident in my poems from the past is not something I'd have ever thought I would share with my love until after my girlfriend became my wife.
   Some of the things in there are things that I'd rather forget. Same with the things in my journals. (Which, coincidentally, I also let my [at this point] fiancé read.) And yet, I was willing to share my past self with her even though I am not proud of who I once was.


                 She found the writings... insightful. A glimpse to the child and young adult that eventually turned the man I am today. I'm fairly certain some of you are wondering where this post is going. Well, there are a few reasons it is being written.


The second reason is that I wanted to inflict upon the world my perspective about what writing means. A snapshot of your soul permanently placed for people to see. Now whether or not you let people know whose soul it is they're seeing is completely your prerogative,
                            The third is I needed to write. To get those rivers of thoughts and inspiration flowing between me and the story worlds.

But the main reason, first and foremost is, and will always be, for the woman I love and am going to marry. So I'm going to wax all poetical and write some about this amazing woman so that we can have a glimpse of who she is.

    I once told her that if I could I'd shout my joy and ecstasy from the rooftops. Well, since I'd rather not get the cops called on me for disturbing the peace or people thinking I'm a complete nut job, I'm going to state it from the podium I have access to.

So, babe, here goes. ;)

           I sometimes ponder upon my situation. I don't believe in reincarnation, but I do believe in a prior existence. I still have to wonder what fantastical amazing thing I may have done at some previous point in my existence to deserve the beautiful angel that I will soon be able to call my wife. The only way to describe how she and I came together is divine providence. This amazing woman has some wonderful qualities that will make her a fantastic wife and mother.

She is so kind and empathetic. She's a visionary woman who cannot help but be moved to tears when she feels the Spirit. Compassionate as well as determined. Once an idea has firmly set in her mind she will  fight for it with all of her might. Passionate. Loving and gentle. Stubborn and quite ornery, she is not a woman who will let herself be pushed into something she doesn't want to do. To quote Mulan: "A girl who's got a brain..." This woman is considerate, intelligent, beautiful, an avid reader, encouraging, non-judgmental and an extremely hard worker. Heck she doesn't even hold a grudge.She like to say that she's too lazy too hold a grudge.

                            She's dedicated to the things she feels are right and extremely loyal, especially to those she loves and respects. Unlike some girls, she doesn't play games of hard-to-get. Honesty is high on her list of qualities necessary in a relationship. Communication goes hand-in-hand with that one. We have no secrets. Seriously. I have told her every dark secret, everything I'm ashamed of. And she has returned that honor.

     Some of you may scoff and think I'm being naive or wearing blinders. That's cause you probably don't completely grasp utterly how much I trust this woman and how much she trusts me. And that's fine by me. I don't care what you narrow-minded, naysayers think. There are very few people in this world whose opinion I actually care about. Chances are, you aren't one.

                The honest truth of all of this is. I love my fiancé. I trust her, I love her and am lucky to have met her. Our relationship is based upon those things that truly matter in this world: Love, Honesty, Integrity, Communication, and Trust.

My dearest sweetheart,
                                     I love you with all heart and soul. I look forward to being the one you call "husband." I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. I thank you for giving me your trust and your all. Thank you for taking a risk and going out with that awesome random guy who was so very nervous asking for your number. For saying "Yes" whilst I knelt before you, heart in throat and heading pounding. You are my-one-and-only, my future, my dream, my princess and my love. Thank you for all your are, all you give, and all you do. I look forward to many more years spent by your side. Always remember that I love you.

Raised By a Queen

Happy Mother's Day

                 This post applies to all Mothers. Whether you have biological kids, foster, borrowed, or otherwise. My own mother has four biological kids and a plethora of "adopted" children. She is their "'Nother Mother."

Whether you are actually a mother or not, you who care for others are a mother. You are a nurturer, you have someone who looks up to you. You are an example to someone. Someone you love and (though they may not show it) they most probably love you too. So don't be depressed that today is Mother's Day and you aren't a mother. Your divine calling is to be a mother. A guide to children. I know of some woman who, though they don't have kids of their own, raise others as though they carried them for 9 months.

             So now to honor the woman who has had the greatest influence on my life thus far, I decided I'd dedicate a post to her. (Hence the Lilacs, which I believe are her favorite flowers. If not, sorry Mom, but you were napping.)

                                 Mom, Mother, Mommy, Ma, Maja, Mom-lady, She Who Bore Me. Whatever you call her, she is the divine woman who loves you. Mine loved me enough not to kill me and my brothers when we fought. When we left little landmines (a.k.a. Lego pieces) all over the floor especially during conference weekend. When nobody broke the lamp. I mean I've got the threat of: "I brought you into this world and I can take you out and make another just like you." So, despite being a little hellion sometimes, I know my mother loves me. She tells me constantly and will constantly tell me until the day I die. (I've told you before Mom, you and Dad aren't gonna die. You're either gonna be translated or changed in the twinkling of an eye.)

   My Mom doesn't just tell me she loves me and my brothers. She shows it. Daily. A text to see what I'm up to. How my day is going. A call to see when I'm going to be home. (Both she and my dad don't sleep comfortably if we're not home or our location is kinda vague. It's almost like they worry or something. Hmm...) She also checks on me when she's passing my room and I'm reading, just to make sure I'm ok and alive. (I kinda don't talk or do much when I'm reading.)

                   My dearest maja is always there. She sometimes will call us into her room and just ask us about our life. How things are going, our relationship status (single, unfortunately), and just life in general. She makes a point of knowing my friends (most of whom are her "borrowed" kids). She trusts me enough that when I'm out, she doesn't ask where I am. She asks where I'm going. Once. Before I leave. I love her enough that I'll let her know when my plans change. I let her know where I am and if anyone joins or leaves our group whilst we are out and about. I do this because, even if she doesn't say anything, I know she's worried about me. I'd rather her not worry about me.

                              I know my mom loves me and all my brothers. She tells me and she shows me. And I reciprocate. I try not to do something that would make her upset. I could never do anything to hurt her. To break the trust she has in me.

     My mother is the greatest mother in the world. She raised a man, who treats every woman like a princess because he was raised by a queen. I know what unconditional love feels like, because of my mother. No matter what I do with my life, she would love me no less.



Mother Dearest,
                         I love you. I love you so much. Thank you for everything you do. You cannot understand the depths of my love, respect, and admiration that I have for you. I may be a daddy's boy, but that doesn't mean that you aren't my hero too. You are a shining example of what a mother should be. A template for what I want my future wife and mother of my children to be. I will always love you and everything you stand for.
                    Your Son.