A Glimpse

    A few weeks ago I did something that I was uncomfortable with. I gave my notebook full of poems to my girlfriend to read. Shocking, yeah? A writer who posts his thoughts and feelings online for anyone and everyone to read. And yet, he's uncomfortable sharing his poems with the woman he loves above life itself. Odd no?

                                    Maybe it'll make sense if I explain myself and how I view writing and what it means to a person.

              Writing isn't just taking your thoughts and putting them out there for the world to see and admire or mock to their hearts content. It is also taking bits and chunks of your soul and exposing it to the cold light of day. You can truly see who you are and how you feel about things by writing them out.

                          Plus, writing under the cloak of anonymity of called the internet and watching as the person reacts to what you are sharing are two very different things. Another thing to take into consideration is the fact of my writing (my books, short stories and this blog) and my poems are different pieces of who I am.

     The poem, being more personal, actually means something to me and about me. It gives a deeper insight to the man I am and who I once was. When considering an eternal companion, the self-deprecation, angst, frustration, and confusion evident in my poems from the past is not something I'd have ever thought I would share with my love until after my girlfriend became my wife.
   Some of the things in there are things that I'd rather forget. Same with the things in my journals. (Which, coincidentally, I also let my [at this point] fiancé read.) And yet, I was willing to share my past self with her even though I am not proud of who I once was.


                 She found the writings... insightful. A glimpse to the child and young adult that eventually turned the man I am today. I'm fairly certain some of you are wondering where this post is going. Well, there are a few reasons it is being written.


The second reason is that I wanted to inflict upon the world my perspective about what writing means. A snapshot of your soul permanently placed for people to see. Now whether or not you let people know whose soul it is they're seeing is completely your prerogative,
                            The third is I needed to write. To get those rivers of thoughts and inspiration flowing between me and the story worlds.

But the main reason, first and foremost is, and will always be, for the woman I love and am going to marry. So I'm going to wax all poetical and write some about this amazing woman so that we can have a glimpse of who she is.

    I once told her that if I could I'd shout my joy and ecstasy from the rooftops. Well, since I'd rather not get the cops called on me for disturbing the peace or people thinking I'm a complete nut job, I'm going to state it from the podium I have access to.

So, babe, here goes. ;)

           I sometimes ponder upon my situation. I don't believe in reincarnation, but I do believe in a prior existence. I still have to wonder what fantastical amazing thing I may have done at some previous point in my existence to deserve the beautiful angel that I will soon be able to call my wife. The only way to describe how she and I came together is divine providence. This amazing woman has some wonderful qualities that will make her a fantastic wife and mother.

She is so kind and empathetic. She's a visionary woman who cannot help but be moved to tears when she feels the Spirit. Compassionate as well as determined. Once an idea has firmly set in her mind she will  fight for it with all of her might. Passionate. Loving and gentle. Stubborn and quite ornery, she is not a woman who will let herself be pushed into something she doesn't want to do. To quote Mulan: "A girl who's got a brain..." This woman is considerate, intelligent, beautiful, an avid reader, encouraging, non-judgmental and an extremely hard worker. Heck she doesn't even hold a grudge.She like to say that she's too lazy too hold a grudge.

                            She's dedicated to the things she feels are right and extremely loyal, especially to those she loves and respects. Unlike some girls, she doesn't play games of hard-to-get. Honesty is high on her list of qualities necessary in a relationship. Communication goes hand-in-hand with that one. We have no secrets. Seriously. I have told her every dark secret, everything I'm ashamed of. And she has returned that honor.

     Some of you may scoff and think I'm being naive or wearing blinders. That's cause you probably don't completely grasp utterly how much I trust this woman and how much she trusts me. And that's fine by me. I don't care what you narrow-minded, naysayers think. There are very few people in this world whose opinion I actually care about. Chances are, you aren't one.

                The honest truth of all of this is. I love my fiancé. I trust her, I love her and am lucky to have met her. Our relationship is based upon those things that truly matter in this world: Love, Honesty, Integrity, Communication, and Trust.

My dearest sweetheart,
                                     I love you with all heart and soul. I look forward to being the one you call "husband." I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. I thank you for giving me your trust and your all. Thank you for taking a risk and going out with that awesome random guy who was so very nervous asking for your number. For saying "Yes" whilst I knelt before you, heart in throat and heading pounding. You are my-one-and-only, my future, my dream, my princess and my love. Thank you for all your are, all you give, and all you do. I look forward to many more years spent by your side. Always remember that I love you.